Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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