That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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