She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
