dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Barsexuality is the new black.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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