He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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