dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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