im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
