he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
