The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
