Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
