I don't remember. Are we still dating?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
