Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
