yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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