I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
