Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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