I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
