The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
