So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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