girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
