i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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