You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
