I got her a Nickelback box set.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Randomize
