I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
