She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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