just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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