this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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