maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
