Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
