The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
