I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
