i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
