Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
