What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
