Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I can't put those talents on a resume
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
