Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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