I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
