Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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