Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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