my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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