Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
