I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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