I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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