Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
