the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
