i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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