dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
