i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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