I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
