Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I need to sanitize my soul.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
