sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
We are all done wearing pants today
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
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