i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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