I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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