HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
